| I guess I'll hold my breath. |
[27 Feb 2007|11:03pm] |
So I think it's been a year since I've written in this thing. I think I'm actually starting to change. I've been talking to a girl, Victoria. Most confusing girl int he universe. Talking to someone I cared about a long time ago as well. Feelings are kinda resurfacing which I never thought they would. Such a weird thing to think about. Things are gonna be hard. I still love Janelle. It still hurts. I miss alot of people. ugh. I really don't know where this is going.
<3
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[10 Dec 2005|09:39am] |
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Rob Thomas-when the heartache ends. |
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so its fucking freezing right now.
i just want you all to know that i'm changing my life around.
for her.
for me.
for my mom.
i start a new school on monday.
wish me luck.
<3 her.
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[23 Nov 2005|03:47pm] |
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mood |
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cold |
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music |
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Paramore-My Heart |
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I HATE YOU!!!you know who you are. how could you say something like that. YOU Dont care bitch! or "cunt ass bitch" i think were the words used.
I Love my smiley! one of my new favorite songs lemme tell ya.I'll be here too. thanks for being there when i need you.
It's never easy and you never know
What leaves you crying
And what makes you whole
There ain't no way that I can hold it down
Falling to pieces
Forever in doubt
But it's alright
Why don't you tell me again
How you'll still be there
When the heartache ends
It's alright
Why don't you tell me my friend
How you'll still be there
When the heartache ends
There ain't nobody who can show you how
To find the surface when you're underground
There ain't no blanket that can hide this cold
There ain't no memory
That ever gets old
And I move all directions
To the corners and the outskirts
While the lovers and the lonely
Start to whisper all about me
And if I stand here silent
I almost start to feel you fading in
Telling me hold on
Cuz it's gonna be alright
Say you'll be with me
When the heartache ends
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[21 Nov 2005|08:49pm] |
am i a piece of shit or what? makes me feel like that when someone dedicates this song to me
I loved you, you made me, hate me. You gave me, hate, see?. It saved me and these tears are deadly.
You feel that? I rip back, everytime you tried to steal that.You feel bad? you feel sad? Im sorry,
hell no fuck that! It was my heart, it was my life, it was my start, it was your knife. This strife
it dies, this life and these lies. And these lungs have sung this song for too long, and its true I
hurt too, remember I loved you!
(Chorus) Tha Producer aka Da Seducer:
I've , Lost it all, fell today,It's all the same
I'm sorry oh
I'm sorry no
I've , been abused, I feel so used, because of you
I'm sorry oh
I'm sorry no
J-Dog aka The Flat Iron Chef:
I wish I could I could have quit you. I wish I never missed you, And told you that I loved you, every
time I Fucked you. The future that we both drew, and all the shit we've been through. Obssed with the
thought of you, the pain just grew and grew! How could you do this to me? Look at what I made for you,
it never was enough and the world is what I gave to you. I used to be love struck, now I'm just fucked
up. Pull up my sleeves and see the pattern of my cuts!
(Chorus)
(Bridge) Tha Producer and Shady
Seems like all we had is over now you left to rest.
And your tears are dried up now, you just lay without a sound.
Seems like all we had is over now, you left to rest.
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[17 Nov 2005|09:34pm] |
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anna nalick-forever love |
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When you smile
With those eyes
Baby it's like
You place a finger on my heart
And your lips next to mine
Make me think that maybe heavens where you are
This heart it beats, beats for only you
my heart is yours...
sometimes this kills me.........
but i love you.
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[15 Nov 2005|11:35pm] |
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mood |
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cold |
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music |
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elephant a movie |
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so pretty much done with all this drama just because im in love with someone i mean seriously.
anyways i know i have had so many chances to tell you what i need to tell you but i can never get the right words out.so if given the chance from here on to tell you im READY and I'm sorry for putting it off and blaming it on you so right when i see you you're gonna get an earful. love you with my all.
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[31 Oct 2005|11:04pm] |
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mood |
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music |
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music on the l word |
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i mess up so much. i'm a fuck up. i cant believe what people do for love. i swear i fell like a psycho sometimes. why would someone want to do that to someone they love.
i love her so much.
with my all my <3
Sorry babe.
never happening again
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[30 Oct 2005|10:37pm] |
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mood |
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 content |
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music |
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some sport shit |
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so life makes sense now its kind of exciting like i had a very nice talk with my favorite. im in love with her and its not fair to be with someone else and be in love. i odnt know. i love her though. she never ceases to amaze me i swear. anywho im sorry lacey and i love my smiley forever
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[30 Oct 2005|03:35pm] |
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mood |
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music |
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some show about ghosts |
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freakin A one of the best week/weekend for awhile got a little drunk haha and janelle was wow never seen her like that before i dont know it was quite funny you have no idea couldnt even stand up had to help her saw brooke that was fun. went to hillcrest a couple times. and yeah loving it. i made the biggest mistake ever last night actually i made 2 gah im retarded. anywho i'll learn one day. fuck man.
I <3 MY SMILEY!!!!!!!!!!!
QUOTE OF THE WEEK/WEEKEND:
"Lame sausages with love sandals"
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[24 Oct 2005|12:51pm] |
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music |
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rancid |
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alright so friday Janelle came up and picked me up and we went to in n out like always. and drove in traffic to her house. then devon came over we watched music videos for awhile and then something happened and janelle told devon to go home. then i think we went to sleep. woke up at 7 and went to janelles game they won 2-1 pretty swwet totally thought my game was roght after hers bt it was at grossmont . so we wnet to grossmont i played a lot but lke shit. bleh. uhm then we went to quiznos and i bought her and devon food and then me and janelle went to party city and got some glow sticks and then went to the mall to get a buritto for muah yum. and waited for tamara and devon to get there and we got me some har dye and janelle some stuff and then we went to where we always park and security was like following us. then janelle and i had to go to her aunts house to feed her cat and devon and tamara went to get devon hair dye and then we met at devons house and all went to tamaras to dye our hair mines pink now well the back its pretty sweet! uhm then then we watched but im a cheerleader and made some hamburger helper and then we dyed devons hir black it doesnt look bad. then we went to janelles and she took a shower and then all this drama with gail and tamara happened lame sauce lemme tell ya. then i took a shower and me and janelle watched a movie and devon fell asleep then we wnet to sleep. thenwe woke up at freakin 12 and went to devons and made pizza drank smirnoff ice and yeah watched tv and then i went home. so not as exciting as other weekends but yeah.
I <3 My Smiley!!
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[20 Oct 2005|08:41pm] |
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acceptance |
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just got back from devons house. it was pretty interesting i liked it. janelle is awesome..just thought you all should know that. haha so this weekend should be fun. hopefully i get to spend time with her. have a game at 10. we're going to win as usual.i love when you say 10 minutes and it turns into like 20 haha well love you.
I <3 MY SMILEY!
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| long...but worth the reading |
[18 Oct 2005|12:35pm] |
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cold |
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music |
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acceptance-take cover |
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so i didnt come home until sunday from being gone since tuesday.crazy shit right there. so uhm lets see thursday janelle, devon, sherri, and tamara all ditched school and we went to Grossmont center and went to Target cause nothing else was open got in trouble for playing with all the toys. that was lame. then we went and saw the cutest dag of my life. at the pet store. walked it around for a bit. then i htink we got food and we went to parkway and got some shirts and what not. hehe. then that night we went to hill crest and janelle wore the best pants of my life. we met htis really freakin hot chick and the most awesome gay guy in the world named marcus. uhm then we went back to janelles house and took the best picture of my life. and i slept on janelles couch. then that day we went to kelleys and i took a shower and we got all ready to go to the haunted trail i got in a fight with hobbs non sense. but yeah so wew went to janelles and she was doing sonmethin so me and kelley took a walk and then we came back and she got all done up. and we went to get gas. then sherri. then we chsed jamie around in her little mail truck. haha it was funy. then we went to my house and my mom was really cool got some stuff together and then we went to mission valley and janelle ate at pasta bravos.me and kelley drank and then there was this big issue really lame i know im a dumbass. but yeah so i left while they were all sitting there and janelle came out a couple minutes after me and we talked out our differences like always. and the kelley came out already gone funniest thing of my life. then janelle decided she wanted to drink so we were all drinking except for devon cause shes our designated driver. so we went to walk around the mall over there and that was pretty fun i wanted to jump off this thing into like a huge thing of boxes but janelle told me not to. then went back tot he car and headed for hill crest. kelley started to throw up that was no goodso me janelle and devon all walked over tot he living room and met up with marcus and crys againjanelle and i both hugged crys an tole her she was cute. haha. uhm then we went to devons and kelley was getting better adn then janelle me and kelley all decided to go for a wqalk and we walked to danis house and that was freakin far allat like 130 in the morning uhm jessica webb was there and yeah we just sat there and talked about our night. then dani took us bakc to devons in her truck me and kelley were in the back that was quite fun. then we got into devons and fell asleep. woke up at 7 so i could to my game and we won that game 4-0 too bad i had a hang over. i think we all did except for sherri and devon. but we took janelle home cause she didnt feel so good and we all went to mac donalds and me a kelley ateand then just threw it right back up it was the worstthen we met up with janelle and went to her game took kelley home then went to janelles she changed and we took devon home so she could sleep and me and janelle got some really good italian food. yumminess. then we went to devons and snuck up on her and we were there for like ever me and my om had a thing no good. we left there at like 130 and went to janelles to sleep and then we woke up at like 12 janelle made chocolate chip pancakes and bacon. yummmmmmm.then me and lacey had a really long talk. and then me a janelle had a REALLY long talk. and then lacey came over and me janelle and her went to rubios and got a buritto yumm once again. and then lacey took me home and yeah.
QOUTES OF THE WEEKEND:
"I'm in Antartica"
"I'm a penguine"
"YOu guys are beautiful"
then we got the best advice of our lives............
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[11 Oct 2005|10:06pm] |
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 creative |
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dunno |
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So just kidding. but today has been a good day we got fall out boy shirts how exciting i love her but i will write later
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[09 Oct 2005|08:56pm] |
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mood |
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panis at the disco |
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GOOD weekend...
on thursday night got stuck in lakeside once again cuz lacey left me. then on friday i went to el cap for the day. then we wnet to boomers with sherri tamara and devon that was fun. then we saw a movoe into the blue. freakin jessica alba had the nicest body freakin a. the we took everyone home and went home and passed out. then saturday we went to janelles soccer game they won. then we went back to janelles house and she got changed and we went to my Boyd Anderson so she could pick up her senior pictures. they're so good. then we went to my house and i took a shower and changed my clothes havent worn those damn oubk rock pants in ages. haha janelle tried them on funniest thing of my life. they didnt look bad. then we went to in n out yum! oh yeah devon was with us. then we went to parkway and devon bought janelle 2 shirts. and then i go my hair cut by jolina shes the best. she freaked out on my hair man janelle was cracking up! and then i did oh man. then we went to janelles house so devon could pick up her car and then we went to devons house and watched tv and listened to her very nice sound system and yeha then we went home and went to sleep then on sunday we went to get tamara so we could get some hair dye then we went to rubios and then we went to janelles to bleach my hair then we needed developer so i called lacey and she got me some from sam that was awesome of her then wew ent back to janelles and washed out the bleach and dyed it purple and then we had to leave again and she got her eyebrows waxed and then we went to sallys and this lady oh mny gosh i wanted to shoot her its like shut the fuck up! janelle burped and this lady was like was that your stomach? it didnt even sound like i hate stupid ppl then we got nail polish which i freakin forgot dammit. then we went back to her house and dyed the fornt of my hair black and got it EVERYWHERE i guess according to her mom. then we did my hair and called lacey to take me home so we met her at el cap and janelle freakin let me drive i love her. lacey never lets me drive. anyways we did donuts and then we left in laceys car and we sat in the back hyper as hell that was funny. haha then we went in my house sohat she could take a pic of my hair on her phone and then they left fun stuff lovin it.
QUOTES!!!!:
"Do your cheeks hurt after you two hang out"
"no our stomachs do"
"me and my girlfriend used to be like sometime she would pee her pants"
"well thats no good"
"nope no good at all"
"i came home one night and my husbandds head was bald"
"He looked like shrek"
"i think i should paint him for halloween"
I LOVE MY SMILEY!!!!!!!!!!
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[05 Oct 2005|06:51pm] |
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 ecstatic |
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PANIC! AT THE DISCO |
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so today got better went to laceys soccer game.. she took me home and then i got home and ate some food. then someone came to see me!!! how exciting. i love it. and now im sitting here waiting for someone to call me. i love my life sometimes. bleh but i odnt want to go to school tomorrow. LAME!
I LOVE MY SMILEY!!!!
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[05 Oct 2005|01:53pm] |
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mood |
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who knows........ |
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having the worst day ever wishing i could talk to someone...
some cop came to my house and yeah that didnt go down so well i pretty much am not likin my mom right now at all and its not so good life is pretty lame and then i like someone who doesnt like me back. bleh lameness!
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[03 Oct 2005|09:13pm] |
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mood |
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numb |
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music |
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panic! at the disco |
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So i feel like shit.
I'm sorry.
How could i treat you like that?
I just got scared.
For the most part today was fun. saw her.loved it. felt like a million dollars like always. went to barnes and nobles waited for her to get off work fell asleep woke up some freakin guy was staring at me FREAK! then i went outside cause it got extremely cold! janelle came and we hugged and this OLD guy gave us the thumbs down what is that its not like we were making out or something. whatever who the fuck cares if we're gay. pisses me off. then we went to meet lacey at mac donalds and then we ate soem guy was staring again what is with ppl these days. then we went to my game and i pretty much FUCKED up and i feel like the worst person in the world what was i thinking. bleh. im sorry. what was i thinking. bleh
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[02 Oct 2005|08:26pm] |
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hyper |
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Panic!at the disco |
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another awesome weekend on saturday lacey came upi here at like 9 to pick me up we went to janelles game pretty sweet 5-0 she had some assists pretty sweet pretty sweet haha uhm then wew ent to her house and she had to go online as usual haha and then she had to take her gf some water so she took a shower ant then we went to grab her gf somethng to drink at del taco or el pollo loco one of those and yeah then we went ot find her gf and yeah then we went to the mall and that was pretty fun we saw some wierd ass people man. haha then we went tooooo devons house and borrowed some money for gas and then drove up to hillcrest that was pretty freakin fun had some panda express got a bracelet rainbow at that then yeah we walked around for whaile went into a book store hehe looked at some boooookkkks and then we had to find the car and we drove back home and we went online and hung out and talked A LOT. then somene came over and i heard some of the best things i have ever heard in my life and some o fthe worst. i felt like a million bucks almost had a couple tears. idk then i talked for wahile and yeah passed out. woke up and had to THE BEST omelet of my life i sware to god i want that every morning. holy shit it was sooooooo good. then i had to get ready for soccer pics went to those waitted for janelle and then went home and then we went to in n out yum! some guy kept staring at janelle so yeah we stared back at him. OMG but we seriously almost died on the way to in n out holy shit i almost pissed myself tires screeched and everything. then we went barnes and noble. she read for a bit i looked a magazines and found some tats that iw ant. then we left came back to my house and talked for awhile.. and then yeah she left.. so it was fun.
QUOTE OF THE WEEKEND
"This beef jerky looks like dog food"
"If I was a dog i'd be like why are you eating my food"
"you're a freak"
lol I LOVE MY SMILEY!!!!!!!!!
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| [ Let me go, I can't breathe ]
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