To fall asleep with you would be heaven..

I guess I'll hold my breath.

2007-02-28T07:03:33Z

So I think it's been a year since I've written in this thing. I think I'm actually starting to change. I've been talking to a girl, Victoria. Most confusing girl int he universe. Talking to someone I cared about a long time ago as well. Feelings are kinda resurfacing which I never thought they would. Such a weird thing to think about. Things are gonna be hard. I still love Janelle. It still hurts. I miss alot of people. ugh. I really don't know where this is going.

<3

lostoutofmind @ 2005-12-10T09:39:00

2005-12-10T17:41:45Z

so its fucking freezing right now.
i just want you all to know that i'm changing my life around.
for her.
for me.
for my mom.
i start a new school on monday.
wish me luck.

<3 her.

lostoutofmind @ 2005-11-23T15:47:00

2005-11-23T23:50:09Z

I HATE YOU!!!you know who you are. how could you say something like that. YOU Dont care bitch! or "cunt ass bitch" i think were the words used.

I Love my smiley! one of my new favorite songs lemme tell ya.I'll be here too. thanks for being there when i need you.

It's never easy and you never know
What leaves you crying
And what makes you whole
There ain't no way that I can hold it down
Falling to pieces
Forever in doubt

But it's alright
Why don't you tell me again
How you'll still be there
When the heartache ends
It's alright
Why don't you tell me my friend
How you'll still be there
When the heartache ends

There ain't nobody who can show you how
To find the surface when you're underground
There ain't no blanket that can hide this cold
There ain't no memory
That ever gets old

And I move all directions
To the corners and the outskirts
While the lovers and the lonely
Start to whisper all about me
And if I stand here silent
I almost start to feel you fading in
Telling me hold on
Cuz it's gonna be alright

Say you'll be with me
When the heartache ends

lostoutofmind @ 2005-11-21T20:49:00

2005-11-22T04:50:33Z

am i a piece of shit or what? makes me feel like that when someone dedicates this song to me

I loved you, you made me, hate me. You gave me, hate, see?. It saved me and these tears are deadly.
You feel that? I rip back, everytime you tried to steal that.You feel bad? you feel sad? Im sorry,
hell no fuck that! It was my heart, it was my life, it was my start, it was your knife. This strife
it dies, this life and these lies. And these lungs have sung this song for too long, and its true I
hurt too, remember I loved you!

(Chorus) Tha Producer aka Da Seducer:

I've , Lost it all, fell today,It's all the same
I'm sorry oh
I'm sorry no

I've , been abused, I feel so used, because of you
I'm sorry oh
I'm sorry no

J-Dog aka The Flat Iron Chef:

I wish I could I could have quit you. I wish I never missed you, And told you that I loved you, every
time I Fucked you. The future that we both drew, and all the shit we've been through. Obssed with the
thought of you, the pain just grew and grew! How could you do this to me? Look at what I made for you,
it never was enough and the world is what I gave to you. I used to be love struck, now I'm just fucked
up. Pull up my sleeves and see the pattern of my cuts!

(Chorus)

(Bridge) Tha Producer and Shady

Seems like all we had is over now you left to rest.

And your tears are dried up now, you just lay without a sound.

Seems like all we had is over now, you left to rest.

lostoutofmind @ 2005-11-17T21:34:00

2005-11-18T05:35:14Z

When you smile
With those eyes
Baby it's like
You place a finger on my heart
And your lips next to mine
Make me think that maybe heavens where you are

This heart it beats, beats for only you
my heart is yours...

sometimes this kills me.........

but i love you.

lostoutofmind @ 2005-11-15T23:35:00

2005-11-16T07:42:02Z

so pretty much done with all this drama just because im in love with someone i mean seriously.

anyways i know i have had so many chances to tell you what i need to tell you but i can never get the right words out.so if given the chance from here on to tell you im READY and I'm sorry for putting it off and blaming it on you so right when i see you you're gonna get an earful. love you with my all.

lostoutofmind @ 2005-11-11T14:09:00

2005-11-11T22:10:22Z

Loving the smiley..! yay!!!

lostoutofmind @ 2005-11-08T08:49:00

2005-11-08T16:50:14Z

I LOVE HER!!!

lostoutofmind @ 2005-10-31T23:04:00

2005-11-01T07:08:24Z

i mess up so much. i'm a fuck up. i cant believe what people do for love. i swear i fell like a psycho sometimes. why would someone want to do that to someone they love.
i love her so much.
with my all my <3
Sorry babe.
never happening again

lostoutofmind @ 2005-10-30T22:37:00

2005-10-31T06:43:22Z

so life makes sense now its kind of exciting like i had a very nice talk with my favorite. im in love with her and its not fair to be with someone else and be in love. i odnt know. i love her though. she never ceases to amaze me i swear. anywho im sorry lacey and i love my smiley forever

lostoutofmind @ 2005-10-30T15:35:00

2005-10-30T23:42:12Z

freakin A one of the best week/weekend for awhile got a little drunk haha and janelle was wow never seen her like that before i dont know it was quite funny you have no idea couldnt even stand up had to help her saw brooke that was fun. went to hillcrest a couple times. and yeah loving it. i made the biggest mistake ever last night actually i made 2 gah im retarded. anywho i'll learn one day. fuck man.

I <3 MY SMILEY!!!!!!!!!!!

QUOTE OF THE WEEK/WEEKEND:

"Lame sausages with love sandals"

lostoutofmind @ 2005-10-24T12:51:00

2005-10-24T19:58:54Z

alright so friday Janelle came up and picked me up and we went to in n out like always. and drove in traffic to her house. then devon came over we watched music videos for awhile and then something happened and janelle told devon to go home. then i think we went to sleep. woke up at 7 and went to janelles game they won 2-1 pretty swwet totally thought my game was roght after hers bt it was at grossmont . so we wnet to grossmont i played a lot but lke shit. bleh. uhm then we went to quiznos and i bought her and devon food and then me and janelle went to party city and got some glow sticks and then went to the mall to get a buritto for muah yum. and waited for tamara and devon to get there and we got me some har dye and janelle some stuff and then we went to where we always park and security was like following us. then janelle and i had to go to her aunts house to feed her cat and devon and tamara went to get devon hair dye and then we met at devons house and all went to tamaras to dye our hair mines pink now well the back its pretty sweet! uhm then then we watched but im a cheerleader and made some hamburger helper and then we dyed devons hir black it doesnt look bad. then we went to janelles and she took a shower and then all this drama with gail and tamara happened lame sauce lemme tell ya. then i took a shower and me and janelle watched a movie and devon fell asleep then we wnet to sleep. thenwe woke up at freakin 12 and went to devons and made pizza drank smirnoff ice and yeah watched tv and then i went home. so not as exciting as other weekends but yeah.

I <3 My Smiley!!

lostoutofmind @ 2005-10-20T20:41:00

2005-10-21T03:38:11Z

just got back from devons house. it was pretty interesting i liked it. janelle is awesome..just thought you all should know that. haha so this weekend should be fun. hopefully i get to spend time with her. have a game at 10. we're going to win as usual.i love when you say 10 minutes and it turns into like 20 haha well love you.

I <3 MY SMILEY!

long...but worth the reading

2005-10-18T19:50:45Z

so i didnt come home until sunday from being gone since tuesday.crazy shit right there. so uhm lets see thursday janelle, devon, sherri, and tamara all ditched school and we went to Grossmont center and went to Target cause nothing else was open got in trouble for playing with all the toys. that was lame. then we went and saw the cutest dag of my life. at the pet store. walked it around for a bit. then i htink we got food and we went to parkway and got some shirts and what not. hehe. then that night we went to hill crest and janelle wore the best pants of my life. we met htis really freakin hot chick and the most awesome gay guy in the world named marcus. uhm then we went back to janelles house and took the best picture of my life. and i slept on janelles couch. then that day we went to kelleys and i took a shower and we got all ready to go to the haunted trail i got in a fight with hobbs non sense. but yeah so wew went to janelles and she was doing sonmethin so me and kelley took a walk and then we came back and she got all done up. and we went to get gas. then sherri. then we chsed jamie around in her little mail truck. haha it was funy. then we went to my house and my mom was really cool got some stuff together and then we went to mission valley and janelle ate at pasta bravos.me and kelley drank and then there was this big issue really lame i know im a dumbass. but yeah so i left while they were all sitting there and janelle came out a couple minutes after me and we talked out our differences like always. and the kelley came out already gone funniest thing of my life. then janelle decided she wanted to drink so we were all drinking except for devon cause shes our designated driver. so we went to walk around the mall over there and that was pretty fun i wanted to jump off this thing into like a huge thing of boxes but janelle told me not to. then went back tot he car and headed for hill crest. kelley started to throw up that was no goodso me janelle and devon all walked over tot he living room and met up with marcus and crys againjanelle and i both hugged crys an tole her she was cute. haha. uhm then we went to devons and kelley was getting better adn then janelle me and kelley all decided to go for a wqalk and we walked to danis house and that was freakin far allat like 130 in the morning uhm jessica webb was there and yeah we just sat there and talked about our night. then dani took us bakc to devons in her truck me and kelley were in the back that was quite fun. then we got into devons and fell asleep. woke up at 7 so i could to my game and we won that game 4-0 too bad i had a hang over. i think we all did except for sherri and devon. but we took janelle home cause she didnt feel so good and we all went to mac donalds and me a kelley ateand then just threw it right back up it was the worstthen we met up with janelle and went to her game took kelley home then went to janelles she changed and we took devon home so she could sleep and me and janelle got some really good italian food. yumminess. then we went to devons and snuck up on her and we were there for like ever me and my om had a thing no good. we left there at like 130 and went to janelles to sleep and then we woke up at like 12 janelle made chocolate chip pancakes and bacon. yummmmmmm.then me and lacey had a really long talk. and then me a janelle had a REALLY long talk. and then lacey came over and me janelle and her went to rubios and got a buritto yumm once again. and then lacey took me home and yeah.

QOUTES OF THE WEEKEND:

"I'm in Antartica"
"I'm a penguine"

"YOu guys are beautiful"

then we got the best advice of our lives............

lostoutofmind @ 2005-10-11T22:06:00

2005-10-12T05:07:19Z

So just kidding. but today has been a good day we got fall out boy shirts how exciting i love her but i will write later

lostoutofmind @ 2005-10-09T20:56:00

2005-10-10T04:10:24Z

GOOD weekend...
on thursday night got stuck in lakeside once again cuz lacey left me. then on friday i went to el cap for the day. then we wnet to boomers with sherri tamara and devon that was fun. then we saw a movoe into the blue. freakin jessica alba had the nicest body freakin a. the we took everyone home and went home and passed out. then saturday we went to janelles soccer game they won. then we went back to janelles house and she got changed and we went to my Boyd Anderson so she could pick up her senior pictures. they're so good. then we went to my house and i took a shower and changed my clothes havent worn those damn oubk rock pants in ages. haha janelle tried them on funniest thing of my life. they didnt look bad. then we went to in n out yum! oh yeah devon was with us. then we went to parkway and devon bought janelle 2 shirts. and then i go my hair cut by jolina shes the best. she freaked out on my hair man janelle was cracking up! and then i did oh man. then we went to janelles house so devon could pick up her car and then we went to devons house and watched tv and listened to her very nice sound system and yeha then we went home and went to sleep then on sunday we went to get tamara so we could get some hair dye then we went to rubios and then we went to janelles to bleach my hair then we needed developer so i called lacey and she got me some from sam that was awesome of her then wew ent back to janelles and washed out the bleach and dyed it purple and then we had to leave again and she got her eyebrows waxed and then we went to sallys and this lady oh mny gosh i wanted to shoot her its like shut the fuck up! janelle burped and this lady was like was that your stomach? it didnt even sound like i hate stupid ppl then we got nail polish which i freakin forgot dammit. then we went back to her house and dyed the fornt of my hair black and got it EVERYWHERE i guess according to her mom. then we did my hair and called lacey to take me home so we met her at el cap and janelle freakin let me drive i love her. lacey never lets me drive. anyways we did donuts and then we left in laceys car and we sat in the back hyper as hell that was funny. haha then we went in my house sohat she could take a pic of my hair on her phone and then they left fun stuff lovin it.

QUOTES!!!!:

"Do your cheeks hurt after you two hang out"
"no our stomachs do"
"me and my girlfriend used to be like sometime she would pee her pants"
"well thats no good"
"nope no good at all"

"i came home one night and my husbandds head was bald"
"He looked like shrek"
"i think i should paint him for halloween"

I LOVE MY SMILEY!!!!!!!!!!

lostoutofmind @ 2005-10-05T18:51:00

2005-10-06T01:51:23Z

so today got better went to laceys soccer game.. she took me home and then i got home and ate some food. then someone came to see me!!! how exciting. i love it. and now im sitting here waiting for someone to call me. i love my life sometimes. bleh but i odnt want to go to school tomorrow. LAME!

I LOVE MY SMILEY!!!!

lostoutofmind @ 2005-10-05T13:53:00

2005-10-05T20:48:43Z

having the worst day ever wishing i could talk to someone...
some cop came to my house and yeah that didnt go down so well i pretty much am not likin my mom right now at all and its not so good life is pretty lame and then i like someone who doesnt like me back. bleh lameness!

lostoutofmind @ 2005-10-03T21:13:00

2005-10-04T04:16:05Z

So i feel like shit.
I'm sorry.
How could i treat you like that?
I just got scared.

For the most part today was fun. saw her.loved it. felt like a million dollars like always. went to barnes and nobles waited for her to get off work fell asleep woke up some freakin guy was staring at me FREAK! then i went outside cause it got extremely cold! janelle came and we hugged and this OLD guy gave us the thumbs down what is that its not like we were making out or something. whatever who the fuck cares if we're gay. pisses me off. then we went to meet lacey at mac donalds and then we ate soem guy was staring again what is with ppl these days. then we went to my game and i pretty much FUCKED up and i feel like the worst person in the world what was i thinking. bleh. im sorry. what was i thinking. bleh

lostoutofmind @ 2005-10-02T20:26:00

2005-10-03T03:45:03Z

another awesome weekend on saturday lacey came upi here at like 9 to pick me up we went to janelles game pretty sweet 5-0 she had some assists pretty sweet pretty sweet haha uhm then wew ent to her house and she had to go online as usual haha and then she had to take her gf some water so she took a shower ant then we went to grab her gf somethng to drink at del taco or el pollo loco one of those and yeah then we went ot find her gf and yeah then we went to the mall and that was pretty fun we saw some wierd ass people man. haha then we went tooooo devons house and borrowed some money for gas and then drove up to hillcrest that was pretty freakin fun had some panda express got a bracelet rainbow at that then yeah we walked around for whaile went into a book store hehe looked at some boooookkkks and then we had to find the car and we drove back home and we went online and hung out and talked A LOT. then somene came over and i heard some of the best things i have ever heard in my life and some o fthe worst. i felt like a million bucks almost had a couple tears. idk then i talked for wahile and yeah passed out. woke up and had to THE BEST omelet of my life i sware to god i want that every morning. holy shit it was sooooooo good. then i had to get ready for soccer pics went to those waitted for janelle and then went home and then we went to in n out yum! some guy kept staring at janelle so yeah we stared back at him. OMG but we seriously almost died on the way to in n out holy shit i almost pissed myself tires screeched and everything. then we went barnes and noble. she read for a bit i looked a magazines and found some tats that iw ant. then we left came back to my house and talked for awhile.. and then yeah she left.. so it was fun.

QUOTE OF THE WEEKEND
"This beef jerky looks like dog food"
"If I was a dog i'd be like why are you eating my food"
"you're a freak"

lol I LOVE MY SMILEY!!!!!!!!!

lostoutofmind @ 2005-09-30T21:30:00

2005-10-01T04:28:55Z

"She wore the same thing yesterday"
"and shes with a toasted one"

Funniest thing of my life i love it!!

I <3 My Smiley!!thats for sure

lostoutofmind @ 2005-09-30T09:26:00

2005-09-30T16:41:35Z

BORED

LAYER 1:

Name: Caitlyn

Birth date: January 5th

Birthplace: Nashville TN

Current Location: San Diego, Cali

Eye Color: brown a cute brown though

Hair Color: haha natural? idk but right now the front is black and the back is blond

Height: 5'4''

Righty or Lefty: Righty

Zodiac Sign: Capricorn

LAYER 2:

Your heritage: irish, scottish, native american

The shoes you wore today: globes

Your weakness: falling for ppl

Your fears: snakes, deep water

Your perfect pizza: cheese

Goal you'd like to achieve: uhm passing highschool

LAYER 3:

Your most overused phrase on AIM: LOL or awww

Your thoughts first waking up: do i have to get up

Your bedtime: whenever she falls asleep on the phone

Your most missed memory: too many

LAYER 4:

Pepsi or Coke: Coke

McDonald's or Burger King: McDonalds

Single or group dates: single

Adidas or Nike:adidas

Ice Tea or Nestea: icky

Chocolate or vanilla: chocolate

Cappuccino or coffee: im thinking frapuccino

LAYER 5:

Smoke: not anymore 25 days

Cuss: yeah

Sing: in th shower or in the car

Take a shower everyday: yeah

Have a crush:only 1

Do you think you've been in love: yep

Want to go to college: yep

Like(d)high school: not the one im going to

Want to get married: yea

Believe in yourself: not really

Get motion sickness: i have

Think you're attractive : NO WAY!!

Think you're a health freak: nopers

Get along with your parent(s): uh havent lately

Like thunderstorms: how bout the rain without all that crazt loud non sense

Play an instrument: i want to

LAYER 6:

In the past month...

Drank alcohol:noope

Smoked: nope

Done a drug: no

Had Sex: i freakin wish

Made Out: nope

Gotten a blow job:yep with my huge cock 12 inches!

OK TO BE FAIR (girls) Had your pussy eaten out:thats funny but no

Gone on a date: uhhh not really

Gone to the mall: yeppers

Eaten an entire box of Oreos: eeewww how bout no

Eaten sushi: of course

Been on stage: no

Been dumped: nope

Gone skating: like skateboarding? yeah

Made homemade cookies: ugh no i want to

Gone skinny dipping: haha not this month

Dyed your hair: yea

Stolen anything: not recently

LAYER 7:

Ever...

Played a game that required removal of clothing: yeah

If so, was it mixed company: yea

Been trashed or extremely intoxicated: oh yeah

Been caught "doing something": yeah

Been called a tease: a few times

Gotten beaten up: nopers

Shoplifted: yeppers

Changed who you were to fit in: uhm no

LAYER 8:

Age you hope to be married:after school like college and such probly early 20's

Numbers and Names of Children: no children but names Girl:Lily Boy:Sonny

Describe your Dream Wedding: beach

How do you want to die: instantly

Where you want to go to college: idk yet

What do you want to be when you grow up: a lot idk yet

What country would you most like to visit: uhh italy, ireland

LAYER 9:

(what i like in a girl)

Best eye color?light brown or green or blue

Best hair color? dark

Short or long hair: long

Height: taller

Best weight: 130-175

Best articles of clothing: black, jeans, good shirts idk doesnt matter as long as it looks good

Best first date location: anywhere

Best first kiss location:in the rain but thats not too often so in the dark in a comfortable atmosphere

LAYER 10:

# of drugs taken illegally: 4

# of people I could trust with my life:1 or 2

# of CDs that I own: hundreds no joke

# of piercings: my ears my cartilidge and my frinulum

# of tattoos: none yet

# of scars on my body: too many to count =(

lostoutofmind @ 2005-09-30T08:27:00

2005-09-30T16:09:40Z

okay so here it is...
On wednesday janelle came up here and picked me up and we went to her ouse and she ate some din din. and we found out her doggie was in the hospital.. sadness i dont like seeing her sad. and then we went to barnes and noble so she could get a book for school then we went to get sherri and we went back and then we went to borders and we got em'. then we went to take sherri home and almost hit this guy on a bike. oh man. and then we went back to janelles and she had to do her homework and while she did that i wrote a note and she kept writing on the damn thing, hehe then we went to sleep and yeah we woke up and it was like 2 decrees in her room and then i went to school with her that was really awesome i realized how much i miss everyone.=( then she took me to barnes and noble and i waited till she got off work and walked to her work longest walk of my life becaus ei got lost. then we went to her house for awhile and she ate and then the vet called about her dog and we made the dog chicken and we went to see her. and she was totally fine but they wanted to keep for anither night LAME! it was sad but good that she was doing better. lets see then she couldnt take me home so i had to sleep at hr house again darn! lol. so she had to read a book so i wrote down all my thoughts and we had a deep conversation. ugh it was good. then we went to sleep cuz we couldnt stay awake any longer. OMG there are the weirdest ppl that atke there pets to the vet. oh man! but yeah when were there at night to see her dog there was this old lady whitest person i have ever seen in my life. she had a cottage cheese face and the hottest socks ever. HAHA and then there was a sack on wheels oh man funniest thing of my life. yeah soo i had to go to el cap again so on the way we had to get gas andthat took forever as usual then she wanted to get doughnuts so we went to this place and this damn chinese guy was like freakin us out. scariest guy ever couldnt understand a word. so she ditched first period and we went to see her dog and she coulda been taken home so were going to do that but the lady asked for the payment and janelle was like okay that not going to happen. so we couldnat take her home so we visited withh er for awhile and sat don and the this really short lady weighed herself on this thing and she waslked up to us and was like "my friend got a tatoo ten years ago and got hepatytis and lost all her hair" and me and janelle just looked at her and tried not to bust up laughing and omg she walked away and we were cracking up i could not help it.oh man and the we noticed she had the biggest hump i have ever seen in my life. then we headed back towards school and we were gonna go and then i said you should just not go to 2nd and she was like ok and we went back to her house adn she spiked the back of my hair and then she put blue streaks in my hair looked pretty suhweeet. hahathen we had to go to school. so we parked at cactus park and walked to school. and then she had to go to her 3rd period class so i went in mrs. fillius' class so i could sleep then i went to her 4th period class once again and we talked and devon kept staring at us haha loser man i swear. and then she had to be her teachers bitch and and yeah that was fun. then lunch i went to hang out over by my old tree. i guess i was gone to long and then i walked janelle to her class for 5th period. adn she wanted me to go in but i wasnt thinking that was a good idea so i went to her car and sat for wahile then i walked up to get her because she didnt want to walk by herself . and then i found out that we all have "aids" whoever made that up and i guess i had sex with some girls ive never even talked to. omg people are so retrded rumors are retarded you guys are just jealous. so yeah hse had to head t work so i went to barnes and noble and hung out the i walked to her work for the second time and went in and gave her company while she worked then we left and drove up to my house and pretty much laughed the WHOLE way up there. then we got money from my mom and went to rubios and i finally ate. yummy okay so we walked in and there were these mexican guys in the back and they were staring at us so we hugged and theyw ere still staring ahh freakin a so we ordered and they kept trying to peek over the thingy to look at us. lame. but funny. so we ate and there was the weirdest music on and janelle freakin starts dancing like right when i take a bite and i freakin almost choke on it.gah thanks. so yeah she kept dancing oh man. it was the funniest. ok so freakin bob marley comes on buffalo soldier. and she kept singing this one part oh man funniest thing of my life. haha then we went back to my house and yeah then she had to leave. oh my gosh so when we wnet to leave to go to rubios the damn car wouldnt start but i guess it helps if you put that one key in lol. funniest again. but yeah so she left it was sad. and then i came home and got online.

QUOTES OF THE WEEK
"So i pretty much want to rape your hair"
"okay......"

"Dude you're getting pissed off at a 5 year old"
"Well I fucking hate kids"
"Yeah me freakin too"

"I think it's werid how people can turn themselves on by looking in the mirrior"
"Uh yeah wtf"
"it's like oh yeah Janelle bite that lip"

haha i love it!!!!

YOU Rock!

I <3 MY SMILEY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

lostoutofmind @ 2005-09-29T21:20:00

2005-09-30T04:20:38Z

So long on here get prepared.
okay so ill write tomorrow
because yeah

lostoutofmind @ 2005-09-27T15:18:00

2005-09-27T22:16:30Z

wow so i might be staying at someone elses house who knows man kendalls mom said no cuz she just got home or some shit. idk. not going to practice and if i do it wont be till' later. ugh.

Why do you have to talk to people when you know they dont want to talk to you. what is that? you are so immature. its fucking rediculous. and if someone wants to give you a dirty look you deserve it. just stop being so damn fake all the time you remind me of your damn sister.

Ugh now that i got that out i pretty much cant wait.!!!!!you make me happy!!!!

I <3 MY =D